I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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