rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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