and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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