Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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