I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
