and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
