i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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