Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
