We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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