Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
