mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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