i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
