god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
