dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
