I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
