True but thats because hes a fetus.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
