do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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