Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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