And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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