woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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