Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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