After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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