White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
