so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
