Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
