Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
