I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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