well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
