I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
