Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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