how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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