WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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