I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
