just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Someone shattered a urinal.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize