My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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