You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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