So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
