u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
