I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize