i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
