I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
