and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
