Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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