I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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