I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
