the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize