I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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