bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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