yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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