I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
