But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
