dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
