just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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