well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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