ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
