My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize