Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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