Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
