And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
