sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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