we have officially lost it.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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