if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So much Jack, so little girl.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
