Me too!
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
