hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
