Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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