You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
