You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
